Bipolar Depression... what's it like?

there was a very poignant question posted to the BP list i'm on from a woman whose boyfriend is BP and was going through a phase of depression.

she wasn't sure what it was like for him,
or what she might do - or not do - while he is...

as happens there daily, it made me think
and then try to respond...


>>>> what EXACTLY goes through your minds
           while depressed?

it's hard to be exact even about one's own mind
in that state, let alone another's, but perhaps
there is a common sensibility.

the first answer that comes to mind to your question
is "you don't want to know".

not because you don't care - obviously you do.
but how does one describe a horror movie that
lasts for days and days and days in which one
plays a starring role?  how does one convey
a sense of futility that begins in the marrow
of your bones and colours everything you see
and taste and touch?

why would one want to talk about how sad
and useless one feels, how guilty for not being
able to "man up" and get over it, how pathetic
for not even being able to respond to the one
you care the most about in the whole world? 

>>> should I leave him alone till he comes
         around or keep pushing it?

for the most part, you probably should.
if you "keep pushing it", you may reinforce
many of the negative things he's probably
already feeling about himself and inadvertently
create a bigger gulf between you.

if i was him, BRIEF reminders - an email, a phone
message, a note in the mail - saying you love him, letting him know you're there, you don't blame him
for how he's feeling would help. maybe the odd suggestion for a visit - bringing over some take-out,
watch a vid, a quiet snuggle on the couch - might
be well-received, particularly as he starts "coming
out of it".

as he does, there may be times for suggestions
about "help"- whether it's professional, chemical (meds) or even just checking out something like
MDJ where there are people who can literally
"feel his pain" and don't judge it, or him.

the loneliness of depression is one of the hardest
things about it. watching someone you love
suffering and feeling impotent is right up there.
for what it's worth,


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