i ain't half crazy

it seems the more i explore the history and the day to day
of mental health, the more likely i am to pitch a fit. in yet another fit of pique recently, i wrote a song - or some
lyrics for one, at least.

i was inspired, yet again, by the man i think of as one
of the finest lyricists to ever put pen to music, Ian Dury.

Mr. Dury was something of a Noel Coward for the Mandrax set. Among his many achievements was the fusion of his life after polio with an informed contempt for the international Year of the Disabled to produce a song called "Spasticus Autisticus".

this began with my attempt to collect words and phrases created to describe us all, and grew from there. musically, i hear it as a swinging chanson in a music hall style...

anyway, mes amis, with no further ado,
voila ma chanson folle!

i ain't half crazy


i don't know when the cheese slid off my cracker,
or when it was i might have lost the plot
but now i'm what you call non compos mentis
you can't find marbles that you haven't got.          


when i wake up every day, i'm cock-a-mamy
when i go to sleep each night, i'm off my head
and though you may have seen the lights on,
there is nobody home,
the wheel’s still spinning, but the hamster’s dead.


chorus:
i ain't half crazy, i'm the whole nine yards
there's six or seven missing from my deck of cards
i ain't half crazy, i'm all out of whack
i have gone around the bend,
and there's no turning back.


my sack is full of ferrets, my receiver's off the hook
i'm a trifle short of custard, that's a fact
i need a few screws tightened,
my think tank's got a leak
you see i'm out to lunch, my belfry's full of bats.



bridge:
i am batty, i am bonkers, i am all shook up
i am flippy, dippy and i'm witless too!
i am loopy, loony-toony, screwy, gonzo, i'm deranged
and so are you and you and you and you!



some days i'm really happy, some days i'm really not
and there are days when all i want to be is dead.
it's more than once i've had my head examined
and thanks for asking- yes, i'm on my meds


no matter what i'm into i'm still out of my head
and no matter where i go, i'm not all there
but it's hard to go the distance
when you're truly off your trolley
or win the jackpot when you're playing solitaire.


chorus:
i ain't half crazy, i'm the whole nine yards
there's six or seven missing from my deck of cards
i ain't half crazy,  i am out of whack
i have gone around the bend,
and i won't be back.








lyrics copyright d.simpson 2011