Bipolar sucks

Sometimes bipolarity just pisses me off.

Most of the time, i like to think that i'm pretty well adjusted
to being maladjusted.

i take most of my meds more often than not. i check in
with my pdoc on a regular basis and i pay
close enough
 attention to how i'm doing to know when to adjust my
diet, bed time or what have you to keep things from
going any further up, or down.

Since i was diagnosed some years ago, i have learned
a lot about "my condition". i've read up on my meds,
past and present - what they're supposed to do and
what the side effects might be. 

On a good day, i can even testify to some of the upsides
of being a head case and actively enjoy them!

This isn't one of those days.

This is one of those days when everything about being
bipolar pisses me off
... when i'm sick to death of noticing
things no one else seems to, or if they do, they don't
think it's a big deal

i'm tired of bad news. i don't mean the traffic accidents
or the storms or even the latest on the
lousy lying assholes
running my country.

what i mean is news done so badly
. the stupid questions
that are so much a part of the "will it be this... or that"
either/or dichotomy. it drives me nuts.

or i guess "more nuts", to be precise.

Stupid questions can only conjure stupid answers,
i'm tired of living on planet stupid.

i'm tired of dropping $133 every months on medications
that might make me
sort of OK more days than i'm not...
 i'm tired of "sort of OK" being about the best i can hope
for, from here to eternity.

or maybe, maybe, maybe, if i'm real lucky, i can  even
be "high-functioning" again!

i'm tired of trying to "act normal" all
the time
why do i have to take all the weight?
why can't somebody act crazy for me once in a while?

i'm tired of of not having a future
i'm tired of being tired.

i'm just tired.


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