what is bipolar for "happy"?

what is bipolar for "happy"?

these days the clinical term for a brain like mine is 'bipolar'.

in the old days, we used to be called 'manic-depressive',
which even though it has fallen into disuse, is still pretty accurate...

from what i've read - and lived -  more time is spent in a depressed state than a manic one and it's while one is on the dark side that one is less functional , more likely to harm ones' self and probably be unpleasant to be around.

to some degree then it makes sense that so much time is spent discussing and treating that side of our existence...

on the manic side, it seems the emphasis is very much
on the negative possibilities and the need to eliminate mania. like most BP people, i've had manic experiences where my decisions were perhaps not the wisest and i'm not interested in, or advocating for some kind of manic license...

but sometimes it seems like the 'fear of manic' leads to a situation where any kind of feeling better something to get worried about... that is, it could be a sign of incipient mania!

lions and tigers and bears!!!

if one is taking one's meds and other steps (diet, exercise, therapy, etc) to keep from going the all the way into the dark side and one is not to go getting all manic, then how is one supposed to feel?

what's the goal? what is the 'ideal state' or even the ideal range of feeling and thinking and being?

the bipolar experience is one of extremes. being diagnosed alerts one to the possibilities and dangers that come with, and everything else from meds to self-education is meant to help one get a handle on those possibilities and help keep one from going too far down the road to either extreme...

but again, what's the goal?
what is the 'ideal state'?

is it to be 'normal'?

i'm not 'normal' and i don't want to be.

don't get me wrong! some of my best friends are normal.
but if aim of any of the meds or other treatments is to make me 'normal',  then they're probably not going to work very well or for very long.

i don't want to spend any more time than i have to on the dark side, but i also don't want to any and all moments of feeling energized, creative and capable to be tainted by anybody's 'fear of mania', including my own...

this is going to take some more thinking.


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